Shampoo.

Caren once ran out of shampoo and used Coco's dog shampoo.

Caren informed me today that she bought Coco a new, sour apple-flavored shampoo.

When asked if she used it on herself, Caren said, "I haven't tried it yet."

Feeding the geese.

Today, Caren explained that the geese at Rider University, where she attended college, enjoyed eating gobstoppers. They did not like bubble-gum, however.

Caren's diary.

Today, my co-workers and I were talking about something weird that Caren said, to which she responded "well that's ok, because I go home and record everything you guys say in my diary."

I asked Caren how she would like it if someone wrote down all of the stupid thing that she said for everyone to read.

She didn't respond.

Disaster Movie.

Caren thinks Disaster Movie "looks good."

Please judge for yourself.

The patio.

Caren's brother says that she has a "schizophrenic patio."

Over the wall.

Caren is filling in for a fellow reporter this week, who is on vacation. Because of this, Caren will spend the following five days sitting on the other side of the partition.

Life is good.

Food whore.

Caren has a bad grazing habit. She is a habitual snacker, who essentially never stops eating.

Today, when I asked her about the plethora of junk food on her desk, Caren explained that she is a "food whore."

I'm pretty sure she didn't mean to say that.

Fleas.

The groomer informed Caren that Coco has fleas.

I think it is safe to assume that Caren now also has fleas.

The jar of drugs.

Caren's parents used to keep a jar on the counter at their dry cleaning business.

In this jar, they would display the various bags of controlled dangerous substances and pieces of drug paraphernalia that they removed from the pockets of garments brought in by customers.

Eventually, a police officer told them that they could not keep the jar on display and it was confiscated.

Caren could not understand why.

The coffee ritual.

Every morning, Caren buys a cup of coffee on her way to work.

The coffee cup sits on her desk all day. To my knowledge, she has never drank more than half a cup, even though she buys a large.

At the end of the day, Caren microwaves her coffee cup, which is made of styrofoam, and takes it with her in the car for the ride home.

She never drinks the coffee in the car, and yesterday's coffee becomes today's ashtray.

Grooming day for Coco.

Caren's dog Coco has her first ever appointment with the groomer on Saturday.

As of this moment, Caren has shared this information with me eight times.

Don't you forget about me.

Caren once worked on a film as a production assistant and got in trouble for talking to Ally Sheedy.

A tale of two sweaters.

One day in July, Caren wore two sweaters and her aforementioned rag to work.

The first sweater was lime green. The second, a cardigan, was gray with a maroon flower design. The lavender fleece jacket completed the look.

The average temperature that day was in the mid to upper 80's.

Burger with cheese.

In the midst of ordering lunch from the restaurant next to our office one day, Caren became confused when the menu offered a hamburger and also offered customers the opportunity to add cheese to their hamburger.

Explaining to Caren that a hamburger with cheese and a cheeseburger are the same thing was probably the longest 20 minutes of my life.

Flowers for Algernon.

An ex-boyfriend sent Caren flowers at work today. I find it almost impossible that these flowers came without any type of suggestion or coercion. 

The card reads as follows:

"Caren, you were a good girl. If I'm a good boy, can I wake up next to you? -J.R."

Ragtime gal.

Caren's parents own a dry cleaning business, which makes Caren an expert on all things dry cleaning.

Caren uses one particularly odd form of shop talk when referring to her lavender fleece jacket. She calls it a "rag," which I am told is dry cleaning lingo for a jacket.

The term takes on a more literal translation when used by Caren to describe this particular jacket.

Caren wears her rag every day. Even in the summer. Caren wears her rag when it is 100 degrees out.

Caren also has a penchant for eating cheese doodles – the residual crumbs of which she constantly wipes on the shoulder of her rag.

Caren's rag is disgusting.

C.O.U.G.A.R.

According to Caren's father, the word "cougar" is an acronym.

When asked, she wasn't able to identify what the acronym was, however, she did explain that the letter "u" stands for ugly.

The Atlanta time zone.

Caren once asked me what time zone North Carolina was in.

It was ridiculous, yes, but this type of questioning is not entirely out of the ordinary for her.

The Caren moment came when she qualified it by saying, "because I know Atlanta has its own time zone."

Of course, Caren operates in a dimension where space and time cease to exist and all of the grounding principles of our universe are null and void. So I can see how time zones could be confusing.

Diamond in the Young.

Today, I discussed going to see Neil Young in concert with my friend and co-worker Dan.

When Caren overheard the conversation, she said that she wanted to go.

"You don't even know who Neil Young is," I told her.

My assertion was proven correct when Caren said, "sure I do" and immediately launched into a mind blowing version of Neil Diamond's "Coming to America."

Inaugural post.

Hello and welcome to "I work with Caren."

This is a blog where I will share my thoughts on the sometimes hysterical, often frustrating and consistently dumbfounding experience that is working with Caren.

A little about myself: My name is Tom. I'm a 23-year-old journalist working for a weekly newspaper in New Jersey. I've been working at the desk in front of Caren since November.

A little about Caren: Caren is a 30-year-old journalist and editorial assistant at the paper. She has an ex-boyfriend named J Rock and a dog named Coco. Caren is a very loud chewer.